Get Ready to Take a Pounding at Dick's

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  From the outside, Dick's Last Resort looks like any other themed bar and restaurant. They have live music, multiple HDTVs and moderately-priced meals and drinks, but unlike other themed bars and restaurants, Dick's will make fun of you right to your face. Therefore, I was prepared during my recent visit – ready to receive some tasty burns, delicious portions of trash-talk, a mouthful of insults, and a second helping of put-downs with a side of momma jokes.

  Dick's Last Resort is famous for their playfully rude attitude towards their customers with what they call, "service with sarcasm." The staff is trained to be obnoxious and intentionally condescending to their patrons. It's what makes Dick's so appealing and unique. Now, don't worry about being offended. The staff gauges each table before they really let the zingers fly. Each insult or remark comes from a preapproved list of generic one liners and jabs for men, women, the elderly and the young. The insults are never mean or cruel and never target any specific guests, so if you are insecure about your weight or have a lazy eye, don't let that keep you from going. The ribbing is always hilarious and always in good fun. Just make sure to pack your thick skin.

  Once seated, our lovely waitress set the tone of the evening by greeting us with an annoyed, "What do you want?" After loudly and slowly explaining the menu to us as if we were children, she threw us our silverware and napkins, criticized our meal selections and said, "Smell ya' later!" "Now we're getting started," I thought, loving every second of it.

   

  

  ^{We didn't stay thirsty for long, my friends!}

   

  The menu, we learned, consisted of Southern-style seafood, barbeque, burgers and insanely large margaritas in neon green plastic souvenir glasses! I ordered the crab cakes while my wife got a Case O' King Crabs. Other well-named signature items included the BBQ "Pork Bonerz" and the voluptuously grilled chicken breast meal dubbed the "Dolly Parton." The meals tasted great, but ultimately we didn't go to Dick's to get served food. We went to Dick's to get served "street-style" and it looked like we were about to.

  Moments later, we were made to wear what resembled a chef's hat made out of paper towels. Scribbled on each of our hats was a descriptive insult that we initially didn't get to see. Half of the fun was reading everyone else's hat and being in on the joke before they were. Turns out my hat's slogan was the punch line to my wife's. We were confused at first, because when read separately, our hats didn't make much sense. But when we put our heads together...

   

  
   

  _{Get it? It's a thinker.}

   

  An older woman seated next to us was given a hat that said, "I used to be a MILF" (which could actually be taken as a compliment). Unfortunately, she didn't know what MILF meant and leaned over to ask us. I felt too uncomfortable to tell her and couldn't think up an alternative acronym quickly enough, so we acted like we didn't know.

  Later in the evening, the table behind us was celebrating a birthday. Unfortunately, Dick's doesn't celebrate special occasions quite like the other restaurants. When the party made it known that they had a birthday boy with them, the waiter made the gentleman stand up on his chair and excitedly declare to the restaurant, "It's my birthday!" The waiter then shouted, "Does anybody care?" What followed was an overwhelming, "No!" from the equally sarcastic crowd.

  After wondering aloud about the size of Orlando's Dick's compared to the Dick's in other cities, it was time to leave. With room to accommodate large groups, a spacious outdoor patio and a mysterious "Smush Room," Orlando's Dick's was actually a decent size. However, it's not the size that matters, or so I've been told.

   

  

  ^{Apparently, it's a Jersey Shore thing.}

   

  It's worth pointing out that Orlando's Dick's Last Resort is much tamer than some of their other locations. From what I've seen online, those that dine at their Las Vegas counterpart really get it handed to them. In Orlando, you still get targeted by the staff, but it feels more like a graze than a shot to the gut. This is probably because Dick's is located in Lake Buena Vista – the heart of tourist central. They must feel compelled to walk the fine line of maintaining their trademark edginess while still being an appropriate place to dine with family and children. They walk that line successfully; however, parents should be warned that there may be some crude innuendo lingering about that children may or may not understand. Just a heads up.

  I kept waiting for them to take the gloves off and thunder strike me with an insult uppercut – like some of the ones I've seen online. I wanted them to give me their worst and really tear me a new one. I was ready for it, but it never came. Perhaps they went easy on me because of what I mentioned above, or perhaps they held back because they knew that I would be writing this review.

  Despite taking it easy on me, I had a great time playfully teasing and sparring with the staff. They're really not "Richards" at all! Under all the talk and attitude, they're just a bunch of gracious and professional softies who could probably use a hug. That's my story, but Dick's Last Resort is a dining attraction that needs to be experienced firsthand. Make it a priority when visiting Orlando, not a last resort.

   

   

  Hungry For More?

  Guests can enjoy discounted shopping right next door to Dick's Last Resort at the Orlando Premium Outlets. Because trying on clothes is exactly what you want to do after filling your belly with food, fatty.

  Wow, I'm sorry! That was rude.

  I guess Dick's is rubbing off on me.