15 Annoying People Who Will be at Your Super Bowl Party
You or someone in your group of friends will have a Super Bowl party, because, well, it's practically un-American to not watch the Super Bowl. In fact, a very good argument could be made that Super Bowl Monday should be a holiday. Or that the Super Bowl should be moved to Saturday, so everyone can recover on Sunday. Studies have shown employees are significantly less productive the Monday after the big game, and that's if they show up at all.
But let's talk about the not-so-great aspect of the Super Bowl party. Whether you're throwing or attending, chances are there's going to be an annoying friend-of-a-friend there to dampen the festivities. And hey, if you’re watching the game at your favorite sports bar, you’re more than likely going to see at least one of these dreaded Super Bowl viewers there, too. Here's our list of the 15 most annoying people you should prepare to encounter at a Super Bowl party:
The Know-It-All: He watches every game every Sunday. He studied every statistic and illegally downloaded fake copies of both team's playbooks. He rattles facts and play calls the entire game, while constantly looking around with an I-told-you-so smile. (You’re definitely going to hear him loud and clear if you’re at a bar.)
Knows Nothing: He/she sits in a prime couch position and asks people for refills because he/she will lose the awesome seat. Meanwhile, he/she knows nothing about football and chooses the best parts of the game to learn and ask questions like "How many periods are there? Why does that orange line keep moving," and "Who is which color?"
Provocatively Dressed Girl: She wears a cut/ripped jersey and daisy dukes and pretends she loves football. She's hoping all the guys will think she's the coolest/best/most awesome girl there. I mean, she spends her weekends watching sports and drinking beer and look how awesome her body is! (If you’re at a bar, guarantee you’ll meet this one!)
Toooooo Excited: He/she is wearing the full uniform, complete with a homemade beer helmet painted to match his/her team's colors, and a face full of paint. Most likely will scream loudly and often, and be in a very bad mood if his/her team is losing or there is a perceived injustice. "He was definitely in! The refs are against him! The NFL better do an investigation and I expect disciplinary action!"
Halftime Show Lover: Only watches the halftime show and starts talking about the half-time show as soon as he/she arrives. "I hope Bruno Mars sings Gorilla even if it is slightly inappropriate for children. What if he has a wardrobe malfunction? Remember when he got arrested?!”
Commercial Lover: The game is the time to socialize, and commercials is when you watch. This person will “shush” people during commercials, and often laughs or “cries” excessively to prove how funny/sad/moving a commercial is.
Food Connoisseur: This person is there for the food, loves food, and researches Super Bowl party dips throughout the year. His special wing sauce has been in Tom Brady's family for three generations.
The Drunk: He/she enjoyed some solo pre-game drinking and arrives intoxicated. But now there's people to drink with! Shots shots! He/she is obnoxious by halftime and passed out by the end of the game. (You may also run into this lush if you’re at a bar.)
Fighting Couple: Most likely he drank too much (see The Drunk) and it's ruining her (and everyone else's) evening. This can get especially bad is she's Provocatively Dressed Girl and drunk husband/boyfriend thinks someone is hitting on her.
High School Player: He was starting JV for three years but made it onto varsity his senior year. He knows if it weren't for that sprained ankle he would have had a full ride to Alabama. He rehashes his glory days during the game and commercials. If he coaches Pee Wee you're in for an extra treat, because that means he's also going to critique the NFL coaches and explain how his awesome coaching style is the sole reason the Dairy Queen Destroyers made it to the semifinals.
I Met Him: This one time, he/she saw an NFL player in person, and they may or may not have shook hands and/or taken a picture. He/she will recount this story to every guest, always ending with "he's a super nice dude," or "he's not that impressive in person."
Socializer: What game? He/she is solely in attendance for the food, drinks and talking. If possible, nicely ask this person to stand as far from the TV as possible. Don't let him/her near the couch, because then he/she becomes Socializer Who Ruins The Game By Talking About Ikea Furniture Two Feet From the TV.
Brand-New Bandwagon Fan: He/she ran out and purchased a team shirt, accessories, and flags and magnets for the car for whichever team had better colors. He/she insists to everyone they are the team's biggest fan, despite never having visited that city or being able to name a single player.
Gambler: He/she is constantly on a phone or laptop checking his/her 200 wagers on everything from points each quarter to first downs to penalty calls — and giving every single person an expletive-filled recap of how much money he/she has won or lost.
Non-RSVPer: Not only did he/she not RSVP and show up anyway, he/she brought his four best friends and your creepy neighbor who he/she met outside while creepy neighbor was walking his cat as an excuse to scope out your party.
Check out all our Super Bowl articles and events here! — Super Bowl XLVIII